Twelve Days with the Maurauders
by ienjoypops
Summary: Sirius has an idea: to have an all-out prank war against each other. How exactly do these twelve days go about?
1. Day 1, The Idea and a Honeydukes Bribe

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I hardly own anything, and certainly not Harry Potter.

**Day One**

It was a pleasant day at Hogwarts, one of those spring days that are lazy and just simply relaxing. But the day would not be relaxing for long…

"Hey, Prongs."

"What?"

"Have you got anything to do?"

"No."

"Dang. Moony!"

"What?"

"Have you got anything to do?"

"No!"

"Hey, Marauders!"

"What?"

"Let's think of something to do!"

"Uuuuugh…I'm trying to…"

"Study, yes, we know. But I don't care. Wormtail! Prongs! We need a plan." The other three boys groaned.

"What about twelve prank-filled days? Prank as much as we want, but we have to pull off the pranks by ourselves!" James whipped his head up, his eyes sparkling.

"Bring it on!" Remus groaned.

"Aww, come on, Moony! You know you want to! Wormtail, you're doing it too."

"Err…okay."

"No…"

"I have an Extra Large Caramel-Filled chocolate bar, from Honeydukes, that also has a layer of white chocolate on top…"

"Give it to me! I'll do it!"

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James walked up to Sirius.

"Padfoot! Just the person I was looking for!"

"What?"

"Crooked head!" Sirius blinked.

"…Wh-" Taking Sirius by surprise, James bundled Sirius into a sack, and, after stealing his wand, locked him into a soundproof closet. Now, to find Snivellus…

James laughed. This was going to be fun…

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"Hey, Snivellus."

"Pott-yeargh!" James shoved him into another sack. Then he shoved the boy into another soundproof closet (there were about fifty scattered throughout the whole castle). He now put the hair of one Sissy Vane into a vial of Polyjuice Potion, and poured it into a doggy bowl that was full of Firewhiskey. He now put the bowl into Sirius' closet (he would not be able to resist the drink) and after yanking out some of his hair too, James skipped off, to give the potion to Snivellus of course. As he whooshed by a poster, it fell to the floor. The words on it said:

**For a dare, Sirius Black will be giving out free kisses! Be there, today, 8:30!**

After the potion was given to Snivellus, James summoned Sirius and, checking there was nobody around, transformed and rode Sirius up the stairs to the Hufflepuff girl's dormitories. Then he dumped Sirius and went back for Snivellus.

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Severus Snape was stumbling along the corridor to the Gryffindor Common Room. Potter was behind, his wand prodding him in the back unpleasantly. Potter had given him two choices, either go to the Gryffindor tower as Sirius Black, or he would prank Severus relentlessly for the rest of the year. Severus had chosen the first option, thinking it would be the one that was best for him. He had no idea how bad it was…

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Sirius woke, in a dizzying state. There was a girl, who was wearing heavy mascara on her face, facing a mirror and putting on little star earrings.

"Sissy! We need to get there NOW!" Sirius was surprised. He got up.

"YES! Finally, let's go!" Before Sirius could do anything else, the girl had dragged him to the Gryffindor common Room. In front of it, there were scores and scores of girls. Then a lot of beeping ensured (the girls had set timers) and the girls shouted excitedly as the door swung open. Sirius gaped. There, sitting on the couch, was none other than himself. Him. "Sirius" looked very grumpy. Sirius wondered why. "Sirius" then turned to glare at James, who was smirking and leaning against a wall. Smirking? Sirius now remembered where he had seen that dastardly smirk last! Polyjuice Potion! Who was that, he wondered, as the girl dragged him up to the couch. Then Sirius was pushed, by the girl. To kiss "Sirius" on the mouth.

"EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!"

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James was sitting, very happily, on his bed. He was laughing. "Sissy", or Sirius Black, was just coming in.

"And you know what was the _best _bit? That "Sirius" was Snivellus!"

There was a muffled thump as Sirius fainted, halfway through knocking his head against a wall.

**Awwww. Poor, poor Sirius. **

**ienjoypops **


	2. Day 2, some Quidditch and Chicken Dances

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I hardly own anything, and certainly not Harry Potter.

**Day Two**

It was three in the morning and Remus was in the library. He couldn't sleep, and he needed something to do. Then he remembered the Marauder prank war. Ah. He then went to the library, to look for spells and the such. That was why he was here now. Hmm. Pranking wasn't his best subject. Then he had a brainwave. A very, very fun and interesting brainwave…

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Remus poked his head into the kitchens. The elves saw him and immediately swarmed over.

"How can we helps sir?" piped up the one at the front of the crowd (and the most ugly and wrinkliest).

"I'm doing an experiment. Can you put some of this potion into twelve goblets of pumpkin juice?"

"Of course, of course, sir. We shalls be doing it now." The house elves returned after a while and shoved an assortment of cups filled with the drink into Remus' hands.

"Oh, and do you have any pumpkin juice?" A jug and some cups were added to the hands. Remus smiled, thanked them, and returned to his dormitory. Once he got there, he claimed one un-potioned drink for himself and drank. Mmmm. Now, to wait for the rest of the Marauders…Remus had barely finished that thought when James burst in.

"Heeeelp! Sirius is trying to kill me!" The said boy then barged in, followed by a panting Peter. Ah. Peter.

"Peter, want some pumpkin juice?" The boy's eyes lit up. Remus handed him one of the potion-ed cups.

"Yeah, thanks, Remus." The boy downed it in one gulp. Then he grinned, and ran away. The others stared.

"What's gotten into him?"

"I don't know. Let's go to breakfast."

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This was entertaining. Remus had managed to slip Snape, Lily, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slughorn and some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws the potion. They now had the urges to play Quidditch. Remus ducked as a Bludger (hit by Lily) flew over his head, only to have to duck again as Peter hit it back. Professor Sprout was commentating.

"OH! And a Hufflepuff is going to score…ooh! Professor Slughorn blocks it! Ah, well…" Remus grinned.

"Mr Snape, from the We-Love-Quidditch team, has the Quaffle! Oh, and he SCORES! The score is fifty to ten, the We-Love-Quidditch team winning!" Remus heard James snort.

"Snivellus looks like he's doing the chicken dance when he's on a broom." Sirius frowned.

"What's the chicken dance?" Remus rolled his eyes. They really exaggerated sometimes.

"It's a dance where you pretend to be a chicken, sort of."

"Oh! Ok." Sirius ran off. Remus cocked his head to one side. James answered his unspoken question.

"I don't know either, Moony, I don't know."

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It was time for dinner. They were all assembled in the Great Hall.

"…Nitwit! Oddment! Blubber! Tweak!" James sighed. Finally! The food appeared and James dug in hungrily. All of a sudden, he felt really strange. He got up. He then proceeded to cluck and scratch at the floor, along with some other occupants of the Great Hall. Sirius was laughing. James now realised what he had done.

"Stu-SQUWRK!" Oh great. Now he had to talk like one too. Damn you, laughing Sirius, Remus and Peter. Damn you, laughing friends. When I get my hands on you, Sirius Orion Black…

**Nice, Sirius. Chicken Dance! *does chicken dance* Now review? *puppy dog eyes***

**ienjoypops **


	3. Day 3, Giant Squids and DressUps

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor do I plan to plagiarise.

**Day Three**

Peter was frantic, Peter was worried, Peter had his little head buried…under stacks of books. He needed to pull a prank or something off _now_. And fast. He was reading a paragraph about how the Giant Squid suddenly came into existence, and how worried the staff of Hogwarts were, and more, when some tiny part of his already tiny brain wondered why he was reading about the Giant Squid. Of course, Peter then went to thunk his head against a shelf of books, which toppled the self, which made Madame Pince (literally) kick him out of the library. He sighed. Then it hit him. The Giant Squid. Of course.

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"Oh, you know how super hot-AAAAH!" The fifth year Hufflepuff girl was suddenly yanked through the air. Her (Hufflepuff) friends saw this and decided to panic, and ran. Tentacles snaked round each of their waists and lifted them up high. The girl who had been talking about how much she liked James had already been put down. At the other side of the lake. It was very queer. The friends of the girls were put down there also. The group shrugged, and walked back. When they were almost halfway, the Squid picked them back up. They were put back on the other side of the lake. The girls tried to pass the Squid, but to no avail. They were soon joined by many more people. Who knew that the Giant Squid could multitask so well?

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"-and you are as filthy as those Mudbloods!" _Smack_. The piece of paper that was yelling at Sirius gave him one final cuff around his head, and with a bang, exploded in his face. James looked worriedly at his best friend as Sirius put down his fork, muttered a quick something about not wanting to eat anymore, and almost ran out of the Hall. James sighed, got up, and followed his friend out of the Hall. Sirius was always a little depressed after Howlers from his parents. He needed something to cheer him up.

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The Marauders had finally rooted Sirius out of their dormitory. They were now taking a stroll down near the lake. The lake with the giant Squid. When they first saw it, James and Remus cracked up laughing. Sirius simply smiled for a few seconds, then it faded. But he didn't remain nonchalant for long. When Snape was carried across by his ankles, and his underwear (which was a _neon green_) fell off, Sirius grinned. Then Snape began calling the Squid names. But when the Squid splashed Snape, then proceeded to dress him in seaweed, making him look like a demented mermaid (you know those people, who look neither male, nor female?), Sirius began to laugh. He laughed for a full _two minutes_ (James and Remus were very worried by then) and then stopped just in time for the grand finale, "Snape Gets A Makeover".

"I always knew he was a girl." laughed Sirius, as the Squid rubbed more slime on Snape's cheeks, giving him a greenish "blush".

"Good one, Wormtail." Snape was now attempting to untie his "ponytail" tied with a strip of weed and with a starfish as an accessory. Unfortunately for him, the Giant Squid had probably been in "Squid Scouts" or something, because his knot was holding very firmly.

"I wish I had a cameo-thingy, you know, Moony, those things that take pictures with a flash of light?" Snape now had a clam hanging onto each ear, a nice "earring". By now, the students that had been trapped on the other side of the lake had made a run for it, but the Squid did not care. He liked Barbie-Snape better.

**This was a considerably short one. Next one'll probably be longer.**

**ienjoypops **


	4. Day 4, Cooking and a dance in the Forest

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Nor do I plan to plagiarise.

**Day Four**

"Alright, now we will attempt to create Veritaserum. Can anyone tell me what it does? Yes, Miss Hart?"

"Veritaserum is a potion that-" James zoned out. Potions were always boring. Nothing to do.

"Alright, people, let's get started." James sighed, and stood up. Remus was carrying things that looked like peas, carrot pieces and potatoes. Potion ingredients that looked like food? Huh. James went to get his share. On closer inspection to the "ingredients", they actually were, real food! James' jaw dropped, then he had an idea. Grinning, he chose his food.

Some distance from where James was, Remus Lupin was mashing his potatoes. He knew what he wanted, Shepherd's Pie! Ahh. The very thought made his tastebuds tingle. Right next to him, was Sirius Black, who was attempting to make onion soup. James' mother was really good at it and Sirius wanted a try. He was also very proud of himself for switching the potion ingredients with genuine food. James had now returned to his table, and was making a "salad tower". Sirius' onion soup had now turned the colour of Slughorn's face, if he had been forced to run around the Quidditch Pitch three Marauders pitied Peter, who was probably getting a painful death predicted by Professor Snarty, or trying to get his tea leaves to spell his fortune. The other people in Slughorn's class were making food too, even Lily Evans. When she produced stir fry, Remus thought Sirius would die of dehydration; so much drool was coming out of his mouth. Not that it wasn't something to hope for.

All of a sudden, a waterfall of fruit fell onto Remus and Sirius. James' salad tower had crashed. Sirius took it as a challenge. Red globs of gooey liquid fell onto James. He chucked a handful of carrots. Sirius managed to dodge the carrots, but was hit from behind by potato peels. Remus. The boys, and gradually the whole class, began to throw food at each other. Remus wondered why Lily hadn't intervened, then saw her finishing her stir fry, safe in a bubble-shaped shield. As Remus watched, she stood up. Then, to his amazement, she vanished the bubble and summoned some food. And. Began. Throwing. It. Remus' jaw dropped.

He was then avalanched by potato mash.

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The Marauders, minus Peter, were walking down the corridor. Just as they reached the library, Remus groaned.

"I have to finish that essay for McGonagall!" He vanished into the library. Then, Peter came up from behind Sirius and lopped a sack over his head.

"That sack trick is really getting old now." came Sirius' muffled voice. James sighed. He mouthed "the closet" to Peter.

"Another clos-maaah!" James had pressed his hand over what he assumed to be Sirius' mouth.

"Dude, that's my bum."

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Peter sighed. Getting Sirius into a closet was very difficult. Especially if it was a closet filled with chocolate. He wondered what would happen once Sirius got out. He shrugged, and, returning to the current conversation (and his lunch), listened.

"-I mean, it's not like him."

"Oh, don't worry your little werewolf head about Padfoot. He'll be ok. He's a dog, remember?" Remus pursed his lips.

"Still, we should look-"

"No we shouldn't. Remember last time Sirius pulled _it_ on us?" Remus gave a small "humph". The "_it_" meant the time Sirius had pretended to be missing. Being Sirius, it was not just that…

"_Look! Dog paw prints!"_

"_Are they Pads'?"_

"_How would I tell? They all look the same."_

"_I guess there should only be one dog in the whole school." James, Remus and Peter ran, following the tracks. They reached a river, waded over and followed the wet marks. Finally, they came to a clearing. There, in the middle, dancing to music on a wizarding radio, drinking from various bottles, with cake and things laid out and blowing a trumpet, was Sirius Orion Black. _

_Sirius saw them and laughed evilly. He then pulled a rope and sludge fell all over them. He then asked, innocently, "Did you have a mud fight?"_

Peter shook his head. Sirius had been, no, he _still was_ impossible. He could drive the sanest person mad in the space of half a day. He made you worry. He made you panic. One never knew what to do with Sirius. Option A, Option B, or nothing at all? He was one extreme mood swing-y person.

**Next, Sirius get out of the closet. Hmm. Should be interesting…**

**ienjoypops **


	5. Day 5, Annoyed Bellatrixes and FruitHair

Twelve Days with the Marauders

**A/N: Sorry guys! I've been sick, stuck in bed and my mum did not let me touch the computer at all for days. Really sorry, I'll try make this a better one.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Day Five**

_Who let the dogs out  
woof, woof, woof, woof  
woof, woof, woof, woof_

_Who let the dogs out, woof, woof, woof, woof  
Who let the dogs out, woof, woof, woof, woof_

Sirius was strolling down to his dormitory, singing that catchy song by Baha Men. The stupid closet door had opened after he had eaten all the chocolate (or so it had thought). Sirius had suspected that. Sneaky James and Pete. He finally reached his dorm door and ignored James' stare. He then leapt out of the window.

James frowned. It was uncharacteristic of a hyper Sirius to walk around calmly, hands in pockets. Still, if he was jumping out of windows, it might be a good sign. He hoped Sirius hadn't cheated the door somehow.

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Sirius whizzed around the pitch. It was a lovely night…_just like lovely Bella!_ He laughed maniacally. This was going to be Hell-On-Earth form his darling cozzie.

(A/N: Cozzie, or cousin)

Bellatrix Black was angry. Very angry. She'd had a bad day. Lots of bad coincidences had happened…

_Bellatrix was annoyed at the world. First, a Mudblood first year had asked her (the nerve of her!) where the Potions room was. How…how could she not know where that awesome place was? So Bellatrix had screamed in her face for three minutes straight, then sent her off to the History of Magic Room. Heh. But then, Bellatrix was going to that very same room, so she got a faceful of potion ingredients from the angry student. Then, her (!#$ing) cousin (%&*ing) Sirius Black had arrived. Not a good thing, especially when the aforementioned person was holding a bowl full of sludge. Even more if the person hates you. So, poor ickle Bella got sludge and potions ingredients (she really had to nick some toadspawn to chuck at some Marauders, it was very sloppy and icky, disgustingly perfect for two disgusting things) all over her. Predictably, the class laughed and giggled. Now was the time to put her Storm-Out-Angrily-For-Purebloods classes to the test. _

_Back at the Slytherin Common Room, Bellatrix was sitting primly on a couch. After having skipped History of Magic, she was bored. Then Lucius walked in. Illusions of boredom instantly shattered. Especially as Lucius looked like he just had a jar of blusher thrown in his face. An interesting deviation from his usually pale face._

"_Malfoy."_

"_Black."_

"_How did you get…"_

"_Narcissa." All was clear about why he looked like a toasted lobster._

"_Ah. Were you cruel about it?"_

"_She- Cissy, you know I didn't me-" Narcissa had stalked into her dormitory. She flashed a glare at Lucius and half-ran (Blacks never ran) up the stairs to her room. Bellatrix sighed. Comforting really hadn't been on her to-do list. _

_Some pillows thrown, raging, yelling at Lucius, storming, crying and twenty vandalised photos of Lucius later, Bellatrix and her sister emerged from the room. Narcissa sat on the couch, and Bella exited the Room. Emotional scenes had never been her thing. _

_A little later, Bellatrix was walking down the corridor. She saw Severus Snape and acknowledged him with a nod and a "Snape." To her annoyance, an echo of the word sounded. Snape responded accordingly, but there was no echo to his voice. Annoyed, she spoke again when he was out of earshot. _

"_Huh."_

"… _uh, uh…" Bellatrix scowled._

"_Shut it!"_

"…_it! it! it !" _

"_Now, or else!"_

"…_else, else, else." This was getting annoying._

"_I hate you!"_

"…_you, you, you." Bellatrix screamed. A scream came back at her. That infuriated her so much she was about to throw a curse at one of the walls, but she then realised the scream was a little different from hers. She screamed again, a very high-pitched scream. The scream that echoed back was lower. That was it. There was somebody echoing her. _

"_Homenum revelio." incanted Bellatrix. This told her there was a person hiding under a cloak in front of her. She frowned, as if the spell hadn't worked, and shrugged. She strode forwards. Then, in one quick movement, she whipped the cloak off the person. Sirius Black. Of course. _

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Sirius ran down the corridor, ignoring Bellatrix's angry calls of "Come back here!" and "You (insert insulting words here)!"He turned a corner and ran to the portrait of the Fat Lady.

"Gr...gr…grindylows." He hurried into his dormitory and grinned. He had escaped! Now to the matter at hand. Washing his hair. He collected his clothes and stepped into the shower cubicle. Sirius the felt for the shampoo bottle, then upended some onto his head. What came out was not pleasing. Sirius screamed and danced out of the bathroom, jumping and screeching like a banshee. Remus looked up disinterestedly from his book. Shrugging, he returned to it, wincing when Sirius collided with James' bedpost.

"Cool it, Pads, what's gotten into you?" James peered at his frantic friend. Sirius looked extremely fuzzy with no glasses on.

"MY HAIR! AHH! THERE'S THINGS IN IT!" James frowned. He didn't remember…oh yeah, this had been _his _doing! James proceeded to put on his glasses. When he saw Sirius in full clarity, undressed with globs of the jelly in his hair, chunks of fruit sliding everywhere and Sirius' overall wild expression, he couldn't help it. He laughed. Crazily.

"James? What's going- ah! What, what…rfhjkhg!" Remus spluttered. He had finally noticed.

"SOMEBODY TAMPERED WITH MY SHAMPOOOOOO!" James, through laughs, struggled to say something.

"Hehe…use your ahaahahahahaaaa con…conditioner…hehaha then."

"Fine!" Sirius stalked back in. He opened his conditioner bottle to check. It had something inside that Sirius thought he recognised. Of course. He sniffed the yellowish mixture. It was. There was no doubt that it was the potion he and James had developed in second year, to change one's hair green for a fortnight. James had vandalised his shampoo and conditioner. James _was going to pay. _

From her office, Professor McGonagall sincerely thought she heard screams of "I'm being KILLED!" and "Save me, Mooooooony! Argh!" as Sirius Black, with a towel now wrapped around his midsection, chased James around brandishing a shampoo bottle.

**Like? Hate? Anyway you go, review please?**

**ienjoypops**


	6. Day 6, Bribes and Pissed People

Twelve Days with the Marauders

**I'm so sorry! I haven't updated in so long. I'm a terrible author! I know! I'm terrrrible!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Day Six**

Sirius Black wanted revenge. He was seriously pissed. His hair had been left smelling like some sort of horrid perfume for…actually, it still smelt like perfume now. He wanted revenge, and he wanted it now. Then, an idea struck him and he bolted upright from where he was lying, planning his revenge, on his bed.

This was going to be interesting.

Sirius took a deep breath.

"Prongs, old matey!"

"Hey, Pads." Sirius looked around. It was there, so close, yet so far away. He needed a distraction.

Do you know where Pete is?" James frowned. He didn't.

"Maybe he's sick."

"I don't think so, Prongs."

"Maybe he's-OI! Sirius! Give that back NOW!" Sirius had grabbed the thing that James so treasured: his broomstick.

"Come back! Oh, dang. Padfoot!" James scrambled off his bed.

"This isn't funny, Pad- OH MERLIN'S TOILET!" Sirius had done the unthinkable; he had grabbed James' wand too and was running off with it and the broom!

"What on earth has gotten into him?" James wondered as he set off after Sirius.

A few metres ahead, Sirius heard his words and murmured, "Nothing, Prongsie, only thoughts of _revenge_."

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James skittered out of the Common Room and banked right sharply. He then ran down two flights of stairs, dodging frightened first years and leaping over dropped school bags, and turned right again. Following the patter of Sirius' feet, he turned left and…sank. He had run into a pool of mud. James growled as Sirius, who had leaped and grabbed the overhanging lamp, landed on the other side. James waded to him and was about to haul himself up when Sirius again jumped, gripped the lamp tightly, and set off in the direction they had come from. James groaned, got up to the edge of the pool and jumped for the lamp.

There was a horrible squelching sound and a very colourful curse as James missed.

When he had finally gotten out of that horror, he turned the corner and Sirius was waiting. James ran at him. Sirius ran through a crowd of girls, who all turned to smile at him, and turned. Giving an award-winning smile, Sirius watched as the girls fainted and James tripped over them. Bad luck, Jamesie. James got up and screamed a war cry (but it sounded more like the time when the Giant Squid had thrown him into one Severus Snape) and charged madly at Sirius. Sirius grinned and ran to a pool of snitches in salt water and ran across, on the stepping stones that were half green and half red, divided vertically. Hah, James thought, he thinks I'll charge straight into it. Well, I won't.

Sirius ran nimbly across, watching carefully for the stones that had the red on the left and green on the right. He turned to watch James. Predictably, he stepped on a green-on-left-and-red-on-right stone. A well-placed bucket tipped and poured pumpkin juice onto him. James gasped in surprise, then stepped on another. That's what you get for my poor shampoo, Sirius thought with glee as a bucketful of potato mush was dumped onto James. James shrieked angrily.

"What the heck, Padfoot! You steal my prized possessions and then dump unwanted items onto me! Wha-grglagralg." James had just been dumped with peas. He hated them.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. Eat your greens, naughty boy." Sirius added as James spat the peas out. James scowled and managed to get back on "shore". Now, this time I watch him carefully, thought James as Sirius ran off.

Sirius turned his head around to check if James was still following him. Yep, Prongsie wouldn't give up his wand or broom. Not surprising, since it was _Prongs_ they were dealing with. He leaped agilely over the special tile, trying not to look suspicious, and then bolted for the "sleek, silkiness" of his hair. Not a moment too soon. James stepped onto the tile and a whole trough of slime descended onto the boy, narrowly missing Sirius, but splattering his robes. A quick cleaning charm with James' wand fixed that. Grinning at the yelling and swearing behind him, Sirius scampered down the corridor and out of Hogwarts to finish the deed.

James tried to wipe the slime off him. It didn't work. Sighing, he jogged after Sirius, and was surprised to see him running out of Hogwarts. Shrugging, he followed Sirius onto the cobblestones , across the Quidditch Pitch and to the lake.

Then his jaw dropped.

There, in the exact middle of the lake, was his broom and wand floating on a huge piece of bark. James sighed, took off his clothes, and dove in. He was immediately flung back out. The Giant Squid appeared and waved its tentacles in what it thought was a threatening manner (but it could also be mistaken for the boogie). James groaned. Padfoot was so dead.

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In the Common Room, a

…_and that particular goblin revolution ended. There was a break of seven years, then another revolution began, in 1467. _

Remus sighed, and put his quill down. History of Magic finished. Now-

"Moony! How are you?" Remus eyed Sirius warily. It wasn't like Sirius to just appear randomly out of nowhere and ask how your life is going, especially when he has only asked that question a grand total of once in his life, excluding today.

"…Errr, I'm busy, go talk to Pete?" It was more of a question that a statement.

"Nananananana no!"

"Insufferable as always. Now where's James?"

"I don't- oh, hi." James had just walked in, still covered in mud, salt water, pumpkin juice, potato mush, peas, slime and lake water. He looked very angry.

"Sorry, Remmie, gotta dash!" Sirius flashed a grin (several girls in the corner fainted) and ran out, with James hot on his heels, snorting like an angry bull.

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When Sirius returned, nonchalantly (Suspiciously, though Remus) whistling and looking unusually cheerful for one who has just been chased by an extremely annoyed Quidditch player trying to kill you with a sword stolen from one of the various suits of armour in Hogwarts, Remus sighed, looked up and asked, simply,

"Where's James?"

"Oh, him."

"Yes, him."

"Come look with me!" Sirius dragged Remus to the nearest window. He pointed. James was hanging onto a log for dear life as the Giant Squid splashed him and made waves. It was making an odd cooing sound. Remus rather thought it was playing with James the way girls play with Barbies. Of course, no clothes were being taken off anything. Hmm. The Giant Squid seemed to have a fetish with Barbies…

"It looks like its having fun." Remus stared incredulously at Sirius. Sirius misinterpreted the stare.

"What? So what if I bribed it with a hundred and two Barbies?"


	7. Day 7, Bribery and Torture

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Day Seven**

"Remus, help me pleeeeease?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No."

"Pwetty pwease with a cherry on top?"

"NO."

"Oh, stuff this. If you help me I'll give you vanilla ice cream with honey drizzle, a Shepherd's Pie, a bag of Sugar Quills-" Remus was drooling onto his essay, but he didn't care.

"-a whole box of Chocolate Frogs, six bars of Honeyduke's White Choc and Caramel Heaven and two lemon cakes."

"YES!" Remus practically screamed. "GIVE IT TO ME!" James backed away a bit, slightly disturbed.

"Do it first."

"YES! I WILL! YES! HAVE NO DOUBT!" Remus scrambled out of the portrait hole. James sighed. Now how was he going to get all that?

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Remus had altogether thirty two girls that were in his year, on his list. Now to find them. He rounded the corner and found, oh lucky him, six of those thirty two. He whispered "_Puncrur._" a few times and watched as the beige spell shot towards their targets. The girls didn't feel it when the spell hit them, just had a sudden urge.

Remus grinned. His "army" was almost massed. Oh, he could almost taste the chocolate, the creaminess and caramel…ahhh. Oh! There were the last two girls, the formidable Lily Evans her friend Alice. He quickly fired the spell, and followed them as they headed in a strange direction. He knew they would get to Sirius and the rest of his army eventually.

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Sirius was surprised when a group of six girls appeared and began to follow him. He was even more surprised when, once they got into a two-metre range, they began kicking him.

"Yeowch! What are you doing-hey!" Three of the girls burst into tears.

"I don't know why I'm doing this! I just…had the…urge."

"I'm so sorry Siri! Oh my gosh, so sorry!" one wailed.

"For…for, forgive my Sirius! Oh my…" Immediately after the girls had apologised, their shoes grew a two-centimetre heel, making the kicks more painful.

"SORRY!" One girl was practically clinging onto his leg and somehow managing to kick him in that position. One more centimetre burst out of her shoe.

By the time half the girls had arrived, Sirius was one mass of sores. Ten minutes later, the ones Sirius feared arrived: Lily and Alice. With Remus following behind.

"Save me, Moony, Moony dear, and I'll-oww! I'll-_will you stop kicking that particular spot? _I'll give you half a box of Chocolate Frogs!"

"Hi, Sirius!" Lily advanced onto him. Sirius cowered. Lily began kicking as hard as she could manage.

"You good for nothing idiot! You sorry-look, Ally!" At the word sorry, her shoe predictably grew its starting two-centimetres. In delight, Lily and Alice began to chant.

"We're not _sorry_, so not _sorry_, we love to kick your _sorry_ ass!" They were quite disappointed when the heel would not grow longer than six and a half centimetres.

"Moony! You haven't answered my question ye-e-et!" Remus looked up from the book that had somehow materialised out of nowhere. Sirius wondered if he had learnt how to conjure any book out of midair.

"Hello! Well Sirius, how's revenge?" Sirius gaped. He turned to Remus accusingly.

"What? I was bribed. They can do a world of good. He also told me to make it painful, so don't blame me. Oh what!" Remus stared at the book. "That can't be right!" Sirius and James blinked.

"Mate! I'm supposed to be your friend! Stop them!" James rolled his eyes. "Right." James pointed his wand at the girls surrounding Sirius, but not at Lily or Alice. Their mouths worked silently for a few seconds and they began to sing screechily ("Well, I don't want beautiful music following him around!"):

_I hate you_

_Very much, _

_We're a non-existent family_

_(We don't want to be related to you!)_

_With a dig dak doke_

_Give Sirius a poke_

(At this, the girls poked him with their sharp nails)

_I hate Sirius,_

_More than he hates me._

Sirius' eyes bulged. Being poked by thirty girls, most with very sharp nails, was not very comfortable. Actually, "uncomfortable" didn't even begin to cover it.

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"HELP ME!" Sirius had resorted to grovelling and begging after half an hour of high-heel, poking and scratchy singing torture. Remus had resorted to wearing earmuffs.

"No, you keep suffering." Remus raised an eyebrow. Number six on Useless-Skills-Remus-Lupin-Has was lip-reading.

"Seriously, James."

"Yup, I'm serious." Remus sighed, and pointed his wand at the girls. They immediately stopped doing whatever they had been doing to Sirius. Lily and Alice looked quite disappointed.

"Oh Moony, my dear, my saviour, my-"

"Save it," Remus interrupted. Sirius smiled sweetly.

"So you don't want the thank-you chocolate and everything?"

"YES! I WANT!"

"But you're not getting my bribe," James scowled.

"I've already got it. You put it on my bed, remember? I saw it when I went up there. Oh, and half has already been digested." James swore.


	8. Day 8, Book Joy and King Remus

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**I am very, very pleased about my test results at school. So I'm updating. Hooray!**

**Day Eight**

In Hogwarts, the person who holds the record for spending the most time in the library is one boy, by the name of Remus Lupin, followed closely by Hermione Granger, who would be born some years later. The record-holder was in the library now, doing nothing but taking joy in reading. Remus liked books so much, that on that day, he decided to share Book Joy with the rest of Hogwarts.

The first signs of strangeness began after breakfast. James was walking down a corridor with Sirius when he felt something nudge him.

"Stop it, Padfoot."

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"Well, I wasn't imagining it."

"I don-_what the heck is that doing there_?" James turned. Behind them, floating innocently like there was nothing strange or wrong about what it was doing, was a book. But it wasn't a small book. The book looked like it could be used to stop a door from opening or be used to make a perfectly sturdy paper bridge across the Grand Canyon.

"I don't know, I didn't put it there." Sirius shrugged. James took a step back, and the book immediately flew behind him. He twisted and stepped forwards a few steps. It followed.

"I'm not sure I like the look of this." Sirius then felt a nudge. He whirled around and saw another book behind him. The number of pages in this new book rivalled the number of minutes in two days.

"Now I've got one too!"

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As the day wore on, more and more people increasingly got books. Some, who were avid readers, read them, and found the book went away for an hour, and then a new one would replace it. This hour was an hour of relief, for the books steadily grew from nudging to more annoying tactics every two hours unread. James had tried to simply flick through the pages of his book to get it to go away, but it smacked him on the head twice for cheating and refused to go away no matter how much James threatened or pleaded with it. Sirius turned into his animagus form to try get it to leave him. When it didn't he snapped at it and tore it. The book shrieked at him, then floated to Remus who repaired it. It then went off somewhere. Sirius was triumphant, but when it returned with another book, Sirius was subdued.

While this was happening, Remus plucked the books out of the air and read them. Whenever he saw an interesting book with someone else, he told the book that he liked it and it would fly off to get a replacement. Then it would return to him and dutifully follow him around until Remus wanted to read it. These books never bothered Remus, for he had asked them to join him. For a book, this was an honour.

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James irritably batted his book away for the six hundred and seventy-seventh time. Next to him, Sirius snored and slept, oblivious to the two books that were attacking him vigorously. James was annoyed. Peter didn't really seem to care about the books, he saw them as something to help his studies. Remus, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He had often said…wait. Hadn't Remus _always _been saying how they should read books, and not many people knew "Book Joy"? This had to be Remus' work! It fit him to a T. It was _just like Remus_ to make everyone read. It was _just like Remus's_ spellwork. It was _just like Remus_ to pull such a prank! Just then, Remus walked in, with half the library trailing after him.

"Remus! You…you...!"

"Sorry, didn't catch that." Remus finished his book and sighed. It had been very interesting. When it began to float away, he stretched out a hand. It hovered there, uncertain.

"Please? Stay with me?" James goggled at Remus. Remus was _asking_, almost _pleading_ for a _book_ to _stay with him_ and stalk him! The book wiggled, then floated to where all the other books were waiting.

"I said, _you_ made us read? Ahh, Nazi reader person." Remus looked at him oddly.

"Tell me how to get rid of the book."

"No. You people need more Book Joy in your lives."

"Prepare for the most painful death possible." Remus, who had been muttering to himself and trying to pick a book to read, glanced up. At the same time he started for the door, James grabbed his book and ran at Remus.

Remus and his books streamed out of the portrait hole. James' book was trying to wrestle its way out of James' hands, but he was holding too tightly. Remus, books and James ran or floated down stairs and around corners. They passed people that were happily reading, others that were trying to fend off the books and still others who were running from the books. Lucius was running around like a headless chicken and screaming like a Veela with her hair cut off ("The books are coming, the books are coming!"). Then, Remus' books grouped together, like they were having some sort of discussion. Then all at once, they flew at James, who screamed. The books chased James for a while, then obediently returned to Remus. Then Remus just sat down and beckoned to a book.

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James ran back to the Common Room, pantimg. Sirius looked up from where he was using his Beater's bat to hit the books.

"What's got you, mate?"

"Buh, buh buhooks. Books." Then Jams fainted.

Minutes later, there was a sound, remarkably like the pages of a book opening and closing rapidly. Sirius rushed to the nearest window and stuck his head out. There were indeed lots of books opening and closing, though why Sirius didn't know.

"_Argumenti_. Wakey wakey, Prongsie." James sat up with a gasp. Sirius dragged him to the window, and his jaw dropped. So did James'. Remus was being borne on a seat of books, up to the sky. In one hand was a book, clutched close to his chest. _Hogwarts: A History_, James noted. In the other was a spectre, with a small book mounted on top. Remus looked a bit frightened. When Remus had been lifted to a considerably tall height, there was a spell shot at him.

"Remus!" Lily was trying to get Remus down. As the spell came closer, some books arranged themselves in a formation around Remus. He was in the centre of a book-cube. When the spell passed, the books separated and spiralled upwards to form words. In the tower Sirius squinted and read out:

"Long Live Remus: The Book Lord."


	9. Day 9, Invisibility and False Alarms

Twelve Days with the Marauders

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

**Day Nine**

Remus was trying to find Peter. Teaming up wasn't against the rules, but even a little help in a prank was very welcome. Even if Peter was a little slow.

"James! Watch out behind you!" James got up from where he was sitting and trying to dream up a prank, whirled and pointed his wand, a hex on his lips. When there was nothing there, James scowled and glared at Peter.

"What was that for?" Peter shrugged.

"Felt like it. Oh and Snape is currently levitating a bowl of custard above your head…"

"Don't move a muscle, Snivelly." Jams found himself threatening a frightened second year. Sighing, he turned back to his fellow Marauder.

"Why are you doing this?" Peter shrugged again.

"It's a prank," he said simply. Groaning, James returned to his thoughts. However, it was not easy to concentrate when somebody was bothering you.

"James! Soup hovering behind you!"

"Save it, Wormtail."

"Oh! Slytherins!"

"Go play with the Giant Squid."

"Is that shampoo I see upending itself?"

"Go away."

"Look! Lily!" James turned and plastered a smile on his face.

"Want to go to Hogsmeade next Saturday?" The boy that was now in front of him started to back away. When he had backed to a sufficient distance away, he turned and fled. James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back down, after spouting a few curses.

"There's a tiger behind you!"

"What part of _go away _do you not understand?"

This went on for hours. Then, Remus walked in, levitating a bowl of cream and a bowl of pink candy hearts. He gave Peter the signal.

"James, there's a bowl of cream and candy behind you."

"Oh wow, why don-yeaaargh!" Remus dumped the cream onto James, then the hearts. The hearts stood out so that James looked like he was wearing a wig with heart clips attached. James closed his eyes and shrieked. Meanwhile, Remus had grabbed the gaping Peter and dragged him out, to save them both from the wrath of James.

Sirius Black was humming quietly to himself and strutting down the corridor in his usual I-own-this-castle fashion. That is, until he was unceremoniously grabbed and stuffed into a steel box. His wand was taken away too. He wondered if Slytherins had kidnapped him.

"Pete, put this metal padlock on it while I put some locking spells on it." Not Slytherins, then. Simply Remus and Peter. He then heard the click of the physical lock and the tightness of the magical locks. Sirius sighed. He hated being the male-version-of-damsel in distress.

"Where is it?"

"I, I didn't get it. James, was, was-"

"Stay here and guard him. I'll get the Cloak." The Cloak, Sirius realised, was the Invisibility Cloak. What were they going to do with it? While Sirius brooded, minutes passed and Remus' footsteps were heard. Suddenly, Sirius had the feeling of being airborne.

"Password?" The Fat Lady?

"Marauders mos sceptrum!" There was a sigh.

"Why on earth Albus made that password…"

"I think it was our end-of-year prank." Remus sounded like he was grinning. Silence elapsed and Sirius wondered what was going on outside his cramped metal box. He suddenly hit something.

"Careful!" This was almost shouted by Remus. Sirius felt like he was dropping. He then hit what he assumed to be the floor admist Remus' panicked yelling.

"Oh no! Padfoot, are you alive in there?" It was then that Sirius remembered he could talk.

"Die! You let _Peter _try put me God knows where?" Sirius heard a sigh of relief, and was in the air again. He landed gently on something.

"There." It was then that what sounded like the portrait hole banged open.

"Err…hi? James…I'm err, sorry?" Sirius wondered what they were talking about.

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Remus had to act fast, He had to act _now_. So Remus Lupin, residential werewolf of Hogwarts, walked up to James and performed the Disillusionment Charm on him. James turned to hex Remus, but Remus had already grabbed Peter and skedaddled.

"James!" James turned and looked around.

"Sirius?" Lily, who had just descended the staircase, looked around the room.

"This is not funny, Potter."

"Lils! Nice to see you!"

"Well, I can't see you."

"Dang. REMUS LUPIN!" Lily looked perplexed.

"What?"

"Remus. He did something to me that made me feel that there was something cold trickling down my back. I thought he had spilt water onto me or something."

"It's a Disillusionment Charm. But why would someone like Remus do that?" Lily walked forwards and tried to feel the air.

"James, come here and tell me where your head is." James' hand found Lily's and he guided it up. James' hair was very sticky. Lily let out an involuntary noise of disgust.

"Sorry," James apologised, "It's still sticky from the cream." Lily decided not to ask and just lifted the spell. James appeared, cream still trailing from his hair. Lily laughed at the sight and reached up to pluck a heart-shaped candy out. She put it into her mouth. It was surprisingly nice. James then ran a hand through his hair, making more candy fall out.

"Err, sorry, Lily, but I have to find-"

"Hey, forgotten about me, have you?" James smacked his forehead. Lily looked surprised.

"Where are you?"

"I'm currently in a tiny, tiny box somewhere. Look around, you'll see me. I hope." Lily and James looked but nothing was found. James groaned.

"Use the Map, Prongsie!"

"I'll be back in a bit." James disappeared up the staircase. Lily wondered what he was doing. James re-entered the room and looked curiously at a space on the shelf.

"Sirius should be there." Lily frowned. She pointed her wand at the space and a cloak fell off. James hurried forwards to snatch it.

"How did my cloak get there? It has camouflaging properties," he explained as Lily gave him a puzzled look. She nodded in understanding. She directed her wand at the box again.

"It's got locking spells." With that, she undid them, one by one. When the huge metal lock (It was about the size of a Bludger, Sirius noted) finally came off, Sirius sprang out.

"Oh, man! That thing was so cramped," he exclaimed, stretching and bouncing around.

"Remind me why I let him out again?"

"It's because you're a good person." Lily sighed, and nodded.

"I'm going upstairs, to get away from him. Good night." James watched as she ascended the stairs.

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